So, exciting times – baby number 6 is on the way! Not literally right this second but kind of any day now. Its not been a walk in the park with hypremesis again which only let up about 6 weeks ago. Doctors seem to put this down to the fact that now I am an ‘older mother’ whereas before I was young and spritely and in my prime. Its 13 years since I was pregnant with Luis & the differences are vast. For the sake of prosperity I’m documenting them here!
19 = Wait, when was my last period? Shit really that was 2 months ago. What? Im pregnant? How the hell did this happen?
32 = Is it too early to test yet Im only 5 days post ovulation? I guess I could do one now, but then what if I get a false negative? I’ll go and do an amazon one and if its positive I’ll bust out the ClearBlue I usually save for special occasions. Oh my GOD! Im Pregnant!!!!!!!
19 = Babe. Im Pregnant. Of course its yours you dickhead. I dont know how it happened either!!! Well I dunno how pregnant I am I only just found out so like a tiny bit maybe.
32 = Darling. Its happened! Im pregnant! this is the best! I love you, no I love you more, can you hold my hair while I puke?.
19 = Mum. Im pregnant. Im sorry. I dont know how it happened. Im so sorry. Im really sorry. It wasn’t my fault.
32 = ‘You are going to be Grandparents’!!!!!!! (although this time round it was essentially the same as the above but to my Dad who cant get his head around the fact that anyone would want to procreate 6 times).
The first midwife appointment
19 = Wait you want to do an examination where? Yeah so I think my last period was March, like early March maybe, or end of Feb, some time around then I think, wait actually Im pretty sure I got my thingys the weekend of that party so thats what Feb the 12th was that? let me check my Facebook. Right so you reckon I’m 17 weeks pregnant, sweet thats almost half way already!.
Diet wise? Yeah I eat a varied diet I guess, I can eat pretty much anything and not put on weight so thats a winner.
Drinking? 10 or 12 units of alcohol I suppose. Oh you want to know in a week. Ohhh no 12 was just for Saturday night.
Smoking? No I only smoke socially if I go out. So Student night Tuesdays, 3 for €10 Jager Thursdays, then Friday & Saturdays.
Birth plan? I have to write a thing down about that? doesn’t it just pop out like the films?
Feeding it? cant I just wait and get it here first then I’ll think about that.
32 = My last period was 22/10 at 4.21pm, I ovulated on the 14/10th and Im pretty sure conception occurred on 3/11th around 10.45pm.
I eat a really good diet, we eat a lot of Avocado and last week we tried Cauliflower rice for the first time.
Alcohol – well theres Wine Wednesday, Fizz Friday & the odd G&T on a Saturday. But I am completely tee total every January for #dryjanuary so really it balances out.
Smoking – Only socially, so 4 times a year.
Birth Plan – Its ok, I just want the baby here safely.
Feeding plan – every mother has the right to decide whats best for her and best for baby.
On your changing body
19 = Urgh Ive never been fatter in my life. Im 30 weeks and i’ll be in maternity clothes soon. Jokez.
Plus side though check out my boobs. These funbags are amazing. I hope they stay like this forever.
No freaking way am I ruining these by feeding a baby with them.
Oh god all these maternity clothes are so old lady. Who the fuck thinks dungarees look cute on anyone other than a 2 year old?
32 = Oh god is that a baby bump? Im only 12 weeks? oh maybe its just excess from Christmas.
Oh man my boobs. Will people notice if I stop wearing a bra? its so much effort to contain these.
Everything hurts, my hips, my back, my shoulders, why am I so tired all the time?
Hellllooooo maternity dungarees you look like the most comfortable things ever to be invented.
19 = Girls, Im up the duff. Im still the same person though. Yeah you can all be aunties. Baby is due in Feb so I will be back on top form for everyones birthdays this year.
Babe – the Midwife said that sex from 36 weeks can help you go into labour. So instead of once lets do it twice every night this week?
32 = Girls, Im having a baby! Wait, omg you are pregnant too? ahhh we’re pregnant together!! and did you hear so & so is pregnant too? Yep and she is on her 2nd now, and then that one is trying, so many babies in the group!!!
Babe – Oh my GOD do you have to breathe so loudly?
What the fuck is wrong with you? I swear why are you looking at me? Stop it.
Yes Darling, Sex? You want me to have sex with you? Do you know how tired I am? I can even see my toes. I dont care if it will make me go into labour. The baby can stay in there forever. If you were the last man on earth right now I wouldn’t even.
On Preparing for baby
19 = Ok I have outfits for me, my phone, phone charger, music, make up bag, hair straighteners, old lady style sani-pads. Probably it right?
For the baby’s first outfit I have the cutest little denim jacket & tweed trouser set I got in baby gap, then for night time Winnie the Pooh PJS, then for going home I have a little duffle coat & jeans outfit and baby Adidas trainers. So 4 outfits, Ive got 8 nappies and 2 bottles. Thats enough isn’t it? I mean how much stuff does a tiny human really need?
Just for anyone reading that who wonders what 20 year old would be stupid enough to pack that in their hospital bag. Everything above is true to what happened when Luis was born. I’m just as shocked as you are that they actually let me leave the hospital with a baby.
32 = Whats that hun? Oh yeah that €830 in boots was on painkillers, the entire feminine products isle, do you know how expensive disposable maternity pants are, like €15 for 12 so I bought 50 just incase, then I had to get all the bottles and then breastfeeding stuff too incase I’m tired or the baby is a hungry baby, nappies, organic salt water baby wipes as recommended by mother and baby magazine, oh then all the lotions for stretch-marks I mean at €60 it was on sale so couldn’t pass it up. Im ready now though.