Mothering Style

Yesterday was mothers day here in Ireland and the UK. For the second year running Mr Clev and I are miles away from our mums (and forgot to send cards, I know – we suck) so the day was all about me! I was given strict orders to stay in bed until I got the signal from downstairs, so wrote this post from the comfort of my bed while my kids and hubby were downstairs planning mothers day treats and doing all the housework.

Happy mothers day to my wonderful mama…

One of my friends posted a Buzzfeed ‘the 21 types of mother you meet after you have kids’ on her facebook and it got me to thinking about my mothering style is. So here goes…§

My mothering style is lazy. I let my kids sleep in my bed most nights. Cora has been a permanent fixture and Amelie and Vivi still pop in during the night. I figure they wake up because they need cuddles and just a bit of reassurance and will grow out of it soon enough. Maxi used to literally sleep on top of me every night and wake up at least 6 times, and now at age nearly 7 he sleeps through 7/8pm-7am ish every single night. I know of no parents who still share a bed with their children over the age of about 10 so worst case I only have to put up with another 9 years of this.

My mothering style is hippie. I can still be found breastfeeding toddlers (maxi was 2, Cora is 1 now and shows no sign of stopping) not because I believe in ‘breast is best’ (although it is scientifically proven and all that) or because I am fully committed to attachment parenting (although it kind of makes sense to me) – but because I love it, the majority of my babies love it, its easy, its free, and it means I get to sit on the sofa at least twice a day and do nothing but enjoy some of the best baby cuddles ever. Win. If it doesn’t work out, like with Vivienne then I have no issues with bottles either.

My mothering style is homely. I am the sort of mother who even though shop bought cakes are easier, prettier and 9 times out of 10 will taste nicer – bakes her own birthday, baptism and any other special occasion cakes. Because I like doing it, and I like putting in the effort. So while they might not be amazing, lots of love goes into them and hopefully my kiddos will remember them when they are old. A little tiny part of me also enjoys the thought of my boys terrorising their future wives by saying things like ‘oh but my mum always made the nicest, most beautifully decorated cakes for us when we were young, do we have to have a plain old boring shop one?’. Mwahahahahaha.

My mothering style is helicopter/try hard/neurotic. I am always trying new things when it comes to parenting. A better diet because it increases kids concentration, a new way of communicating because it makes kids happier, a chore reward system because it will make them independent adults. I love to read all the different parenting books, posts and ideas out there and take from them what I think might make a difference for the better in my own family. I would never just start a radical new regime because of a mass media panic so I’m not completely neurotic. I am pretty sure that deep down I know my own style and way things work for our family, and do a pretty good job of gauging everyone’s needs at one particular time.

My mothering style is aware. I know how relationships with mums are important (my mum and I haven’t always had the most easy of relationships, and neither has Mr Clev with his mum) so I am aware of how the way I treat my kids will have ramifications for their future partners and kids. At the end of the day I want my kids to know that they can do whatever they want and I will still LOVE them, they gotta do what they gotta do – I just might not always agree with it, but that is not a reason for our relationship to suffer. Its my job for the next however many years to make sure that my actions back up my words there.

My mothering style is chaotic. I am the sort of mother who loves being a stay at home mum and being around my kids more than anything, but who sometimes feels like I have to say that because I am incredibly lucky to be in this position. I can often be found with food in my hair and certainly on my clothes, I’m not ashamed to admit that because of lack of forward planning on my part I’ve had to wipe baby snot faces with my top before. I know I should own the whole ‘large brood’ thing we have going on because I’m home all the time but its blinking hard. I know lots of mums would love to be able to stay at home and while I love my kids, yes I chose to have them all, yes I did put myself in this situation – well it would be bloody lovely to have a break some times!!! (and by break I’m talking 3 days minimum if anyone wants to offer to babysit).

My mothering style is dreamy. As it says in my about section. In my head its all Von Clev family singers over here!. I am the sort of mother who packed up my 4 kids and moved away from one of the most affluent areas of England, with some of the best schools in the country, and some of the nicest housing areas because it didn’t suit or fit in with the vision of ‘us’ that I had thought about for a long time, I wanted space and freedom and a big family who happy. I’m the sort of mother who, even though we are settled-ish here, is already thinking, dreaming, and planning up our next adventure. Because I want to give my kids roots AND wings, I just gotta get those roots down before we can fly away!

My mothering style is mine and more than that is constantly shifting. I try and focus on the good and positive, create fun memories for my little ones and bring them up to be responsible, fun loving, and kind adults. I get it wrong, make mistakes, and my kids aren’t perfect but I love them anyway, and they love me too. I know so because of this haul of cards this morning….
(The Clevs one is made by Luis, future web designer on our hands maybe! Maxi loves me because I ‘remind him’, I asked what I ‘remind him’ of and he told me he forgot already)